Hebrew Conjugations Gone Mad – Tech Speak in a Foreign Language

In the tech space in most countries, the English language rules. However, my experiences at work in Israel have really brought to my attention how a language can change through common usage. The following English verbs have crept into the Hebrew lexicon and allow for the full conjugation according to the rules of the Hebrew language. And maybe this is what I find interesting, that not only is the English word used, but it is altered through conjugation. Using the ‘real’ Hebrew word instead of the English word will get you a puzzled look from your conversation partner. Most of these words I have learnt at work, in the hi-tech sector, but many of them are used every day by non-geeks as well…

English	Phonetic	Hebrew
To configure (eg., a setting on a computer application)	L'kanfeg	לקנפג
To format	L'farmet	לפרמט
To filter	L'falter	לפלטר
SMS	essemess	אסמס
To interact with someone on Facebook	L’fassbeck	לפסבק
To be purged (reflexive)	L’hitpargej	להתפרג’ג'
To be made active	L’actev	לאקטב
To synchronise	L’sunchren	לסנקרן

Of course, many English nouns are used as well instead of their Hebrew counterparts. Nouns are a lot less exciting because it seems to be much more acceptable to use the ‘real’ Hebrew word rather than the English one. Additionally, the only ‘change’ they undergo is that they take on the Hebrew form of the plural rather than the English.  The interesting part is guessing whether an English noun becomes masculine or feminine – and this pretty much goes by feel. For example:

English	Phonetic	Hebrew
user/users	user/userim (masculine)	יוזר/יוזרים
host/hosts	host/hostim (masculine)	הוסט/הוסטים
periphery/peripheries	peripheria/peripheriot (feminine)	פריפריה/פריפריות
function/functions	foonktzia/foonktziot (feminine)	פונקציה/פונקציות

And then there is my very favourite adjective, found a lot in apartment rental ads, the word is “בילדאין” (bildin), sometimes written as two words “בילד אין” (bild in”, the second word, in Hebrew, is a negation word. So after spending quite a bit of time trying to figure out what the word “bild” meant, I finally realised that just like the term used in English for parking brakes in a car (hand-brakes) has morphed into the amusing “ham-brakes” in Hebrew, “bildin” is basically the English term “built-in” – referring to an oven or something similar in the kitchen. Go figure!

Of course, this is just the tip of the ice-berg, I could go on forever…

The Israeli

The Israeli is a curious creature. Despite the Israeli being made up of one part of nearly every country in the world, and only a minority of Israelis able to actually call themselves second generation Israeli, this creature has a unique behaviour, which rather than being a mix of all the components making it up, has its own special characteristics. Out in the wild, the following characteristics can be clearly seen, almost without exception:

• Opinion is as good as fact. If an Israeli heard a piece of information from someone they know, this information becomes fact, even if it flies in the face of logic or truth. An example of how this is embedded in the culture: a private company produces a booklet with the values of all cars of all ages. This has become the reference book when buying and selling a car. The only important thing when setting the sale value of your car, is what the book says. Similarly, negotiations are all centred around the value in the book. Precise percentage discount values are specified for different situations - number of owners, type of previous owners, etc. However, try to argue about the price due to a factor that is not specified in the book and it is a lost cause. The book says so, therefore it is true.
• Whatever your interaction with one of these specimens  they are doing you a favour, even if it handing over money in return for goods they are selling - by taking your money, they are doing you a favour.
• Despite being a tipping culture, service oriented Israelis are few and far between, that you sometimes may be forgiven for thinking you are in Australia.
• When something does not go the way an Israeli wants or expects, he finds it necessary to shout and swear at who/whatever is causing distress. Additionally, the Israeli will try and involve all bystanders within a 50 foot radius in the complaint by shouting a series of rhetorical questions at them, such as; "How can they give us this kind of service?", "I have been waiting here for 30 minutes, how is it acceptable that a bus isn't here?" or "I have never had to do this before, how can they say this? This isn't normal!"
• After giving him the finger because he honked at you as a result of you obeying the road rules but him not liking it, he pulls up next to you to ask you "why?" He actually listens to your explanation, and then, with only a slight hint of ridicule, wishes you "a very happy holidays from the depth of his heart".
• Whilst more than happy to fight for his country, in a war, where real deadly weapons are used, the Israeli is shit-scared that somehow if he lets you off the train before he pushes himself onto the train, the train might leave without him. Although this extends to all forms of public transport, it is most evident on the trains.

And like all Israeli documents, the following disclaimer applies: All references to males in this document apply equally to females. Similarly, all references in the singular apply equally in the plural.

Modern, Yet Behind The Times

There is no doubt that Israel is one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world. This is what the statistics say. Silicon Wadi, the concentration of hi-tech start-ups along the coastal strip from Tel-Aviv up to Haifa is second only to Silicon Valley (and actually beats Silicon Valley in some statistics). Take start-ups out of the equation, and you still have the dozens of huge international companies who have chosen to set up one of their few offices outside the USA, in Israel. Of course, the cynical amongst us (me included, at times), would argue that one of the main reasons for this is the relatively low cost of labour here compared to the high productivity - I wouldn't be surprised if Israel tops the world 'productivity / labour cost' list. However, when it comes to day to day interaction with this country, one could be forgiven for thinking that it is only just emerging from the middle ages - and I'm sure some would argue that this is because people have bigger fish to fry here than to worry about the small stuff, but I would argue that it's because technology companies are so focused on the big money, that it's much more lucrative simply to export to larger markets, than to try and work within the Israeli market. So what exactly am I talking about?

Senegal v2.0 – Since I have so much trouble putting this into words…

When people have asked me what things are like in terms of housing in Senegal, I have found it very hard to describe the situation. I still find it very hard to describe the situation. So moving into a new apartment upon my return from a 2 week hiatus, I decided a photo blog might be the easiest way to describe the situation.

Despite coming to an agreement with an agent regarding an apartment. I was to pay 20,000 CFA per day for an apartment I liked on the 3rd floor. Whilst in Australia, that all of a sudden became 600,000 CFA per month, with no partial months, making my rent essentially 23,000 CFA per day. What choice did I have? Well, apart from give the agent less of a commission (ie., tip). Then I return to Dakar, go to the apartment, and discover i have been given one on the ground floor. After a few bullshit stories in terrible English with some French and Wolof thrown on, I accept it because I literally do not have a choice. Now, to describe the place. On the surface, at a high level, it looks like a pretty reasonable place – it’s not luxury, but it does look OK. But dig a little deeper, and you learn a little bit about housing in Senegal. And keep in mind, this housing is some of the more western housing around.

Musings on Dakar - Part 1 (most likely...)

Welcome to Léopold Sédar Senghor  (Dakar) International Airport 

I have only been here a short time, but I have already noticed so many things that stick out to me. Some of them stick out because I have simply been transformed to a different climate, different culture, different language and different life. Others though, simply do not have explanations because in any context, they simply do not make sense. In no particular order, this is my list of impressions of this hot country of which I have only touched upon...

• The unofficial taxi driver coalition in Dakar believes that if enough of their members honk at you, you will eventually get in one of their taxis and pay for a ride.

• In terms of equal standards, accommodation costs are slightly higher than Scadinavia, yet taxi rides are about one-twentieth the cost, even though the cost of fuel is roughly the same (on the other hand, the standard of the taxis themselves, can't really be compared...)

• It is nigh on impossible to find a self-service laundrette. But there are plenty of "pressing" shops that will clean your clothes (I have a feeling they actually dry-clean...) at a handsome cost per item (a load of basic washing just cost me 16,800 CFA / $33)

A busy round-a-bout with 3 Nescafe vendors (2 seen here, partly
blocked by a ubiquitous yellow taxi)

• Instant Nescafe from a street-seller in a tiny plastic cup is the height of coffee culture, and can be found on every street corner.

• Forget Japanese, European and American cars, Iranian and Indian cars rule the roads here!

• Forget BP or Caltex, here we have OilLibya!

• Like most non Anglo-Saxon Western coutries, the people are some of the most warm, welcoming and genuinely friendly people ever. Spend a day driving a new colleague aroundn to help him find an apartment? No problems. Invite a relative stranger into your house for a meal? Of ourse. Whilst overfriendliness tends to raise alarm bells with me, the worst thing that is likely to happen here as a result is daylight robbery by the street-seller or taxi driver.

I am a number

A few weeks ago I finally joined the Danish brigade - I got my CPR number. A CPR number in Denmark is akin to an official identification proving that you exist, if you don't have one, you really struggle doing just about anything in this country, and I mean anything! I guess it is probably similar to a social security number in the US, but I have a feeling it is so much more important here. So I now identify myself with a 10 digit number which tells the world my birth-date and my sex. Most importantly, along with the CPR number comes an ID card which entitles you to free healthcare in Denmark (and throughout Europe), and something which I hope to make use of, free Danish lessons.

On a totally separate note, one thing so many of us expats notice here is that unlike English which is spoken in so many countries, with so many accents and variations, and there are always so many foreigners in English speaking countries speaking broken English, Danish is very strict. If you don't get the pronunciation 100% right, people seem to have no clue what it is you're on about. A perfect example of this was when I went to the bakery yesterday. I wanted to purchase some berliner kage (kage = cake). Berliners are pretty much the same as jelly donuts, but since donuts are foreign here, berliners they are. So I'm in my local bakery and I ask the lady if they have any berliner (I ask all this in English since they speak English so well). She looked at me and asked me what it is that I wanted. I said "berliner, berliner kage". Again, she just looked at me funny and implied she hadn't a clue what I wanted. She got a second person over and she repeated the word, then I repeated the word, and then the second person said, "ahhh, berliner!". Then told the first lady in Danish that I wanted berliner. However, you have to use your imagination a bit here because it's hard to convey in text - I swear that when they finally knew what I was talking about, the word they said sounded EXACTLY the same as not just what I had said, but what they had kept on repeating when they were trying to understand me! This is but one of a million examples of such an experience here...

Chicken & waffles

While strolling through Harlem on the weekend, I decided to stop at a small take-away/diner for some lunch. I was hungry. But couldn’t decide what I felt like, so decided to pick something random. The place I walked into offered Chicken, fish and waffles. I figured it would be a standard take-away joint that also sold desserts, perfect. Much to my surprise though, there were no desserts, waffles formed part of the main dish! Although I got myself a standard chicken and chips (though I did try the ‘jerked’ chicken, having no idea what it meant – and I’m still not quite sure what it means), the guy at the counter next to me had what seemed to be the standard dish there: deep fried chicken together with large thick waffles. The waffles then got saturated with butter and maple syrup and formed part of the main meal eaten with the chicken! Wow! Not even I could stomach that!

On the subject of weird things in New York, I still can’t get over the role of doormen here. While I think I have been convinced somewhat of their usefulness (added security, someone to sign for parcels when you’re not in, etc), I’m really not sure I get the utility (efficiency?) of the doormen in the building I’m staying. Mainly because more often than not there are 2 on duty. In the evenings, one of them seems to be permanently assigned to operate the elevator as if the people who live here are incapable of pressing numbered buttons themselves! And this is a relatively small apartment building – 25 floors or so and about 5 apartments per floor. Talk about a waste of money!

Stupid Bed Sizes!

When I moved into my apartment here I found I had what I thought to be a 'standard Danish king size bed' - AKA, 2 single beds pushed together to form a large bed. In standard Danish fashion, there were also 2 "top mattresses" (kind of like mattress protectors in the rest of the world), and then single size doonas too (which seem to be all the rage in northern Europe). I had a large bottom sheet though.

Unfortunately, when you have the above combination on timber floors, with bed legs made out of wood, not only is it bloody uncomfortable lying across 2 single beds, but it doesn't take long for the beds to slowly push apart in the night while you're in the middle.